A note to fo
Fo is what I call the part of me that experiences fear…fearful one, FO for short. While I have the incredible privilege to be living in a place that is currently safe for me to express my beliefs, and I do not have to worry every day about the physical safety of my children. . . .I do experience fear. Some days I literally wake up with a pain in my gut. Truthfully, I feel a vast array of emotions, but today I will focus on Fo. Fo shows up when I read the news about the various countries in the middle east. Fo wraps her tight fingers around my guts when I hear about the abuse and abduction of girls. Fo tugs at me when I worry that my professional work is not good enough. Fo has something to say about my parenting, and about my family. Fo whines much about the state of education in NC. Fo digs in her heals when I try something brand new. I know that there is a Fo in each of us. It’s a normal emotion to experience. I believe that when Fo is isolated and overwhelmed, reality gets skewed. I believe that Fo coupled with intense anger produces violence, yet Fo coupled with love and understanding produces healthy growth.
Today I wrote a note to Fo.
I know that you are always with me. Know that I do not want to change you, nor do I want to make you go away. I also don’t want you to be alone. When you are alone you tend to make things up that aren’t true. Even when you’re really, really afraid I want you to let love hang out with you. Sure, stamp your feet and say all of the things that you have to say. . . and then stick around. Experience what it feels like to be afraid AND be loved. You can do it Fo.
Breathing is good too.
You don’t just have to hang out with other fos. I know you think you do but you don’t. Really. You might even be surprised by what and who show up to walk you through whatever is bothering you. And here’s the thing Fo, even when you get disappointed. . . .even when you feel totally isolated. . . come out and let me know. I promise that sharing what you are thinking and feeling will be so much better than trying to keep it all to yourself. You see, even when you try, you are not alone. You are a part of something much bigger. Come Fo, I love you.
To each of you, wherever you are . . . May you
Never underestimate the power of growth
Even when you are feeling like you are between a rock and a hard place.